11-27: Lightning Bolt: Hypermagic Mountain
11-20: Wooden Wand and the Vanishi...: The Flood
10-02: ...: Oboroed/Circus Live...
07-04: Need New Body: Where's Black Ben?
04-09: Caribou: The Milk of Human Kindness
10-13: Sonic Youth: Sonic Nurse
10-13: Things Explod...: It's Never Worked Befor...
10-03: Controller.Controller: History
Music Reviews index


11-09: Three...Extremes
10-19: Battle Royale II
10-04: A History of Violence
08-26: Grizzly Man
08-22: The 40 Year-Old Virgin
08-12: The Dukes of Hazzard
08-05: The Devil's Rejects
08-03: The Island
Movie Reviews index


01-06: List: Best/Worst of 2005: Movies
08-28: List: 2004's 50 Best Albums, Part 2
07-02: List: 2004's Best and Worst Movies
04-20: Article: Mikel Ate That CD
04-20: Interview: Half of the Fiery Furnaces
04-17: List: 2004's 50 Best Albums, Part 1
04-08: List: 2003's 20 Best Albums
Features index


The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
Elijah Wood, Ian McKellen, Viggo Mortensen, Sean Astin, Orlando Bloom, Andy Serkis, Billy Boyd, Dominic Monaghan, John Rhys-Davies
Directed by Peter Jackson
200 min, 2003

5/8

Remember Dead Alive? Remember, "Your mom ate my dog," but, "not all of it." Yeah, that was great. If not, I'd advise you to rent it, but you'd probably only be able to find the edited version, which is considerably less great. Find someone you know who already owns it and borrow it from them. Seeing this will make the charcoal portraits of the characters during the closing credits of Return of the King seem all the more offensive.

This one has the most obvious hobbit stand-ins. It's got the best performance out of a hobbit: Billy Boyd as Pippin. It is epic to the point of being halfway rediculous through much of the movie. Sam has more motivational-speaker lines than in the last two combined. And the City Pages devoted two whole articles to how gay Return of the King is. What more can you want?


quoth Pat Jackson.